Why I was a Ph.D. dropout

In part, because of the very painful, peculiar and pompous writing style that you engage in that only other PhDs will ever read. 

 

Plus, you virtually always have to "revise and re-submit" so you have to spend a ridiculously long time torturing yourself before you get finally get to enjoy inflicting agony and suffering on the dorks that actually read the nonsensical crap that you've managed to get published.  Don't get me wrong - there are many brilliant academics in many fields that are doing great work and advancing not just their fields but the whole of human knowledge.  Nevertheless, there's a lot of incomprehensible silliness between the covers of many an academic journal.

 

Here is a parody of academic writing in the form of a critical analysis of Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham.

 

Read it and weep.  Then applaud my good sense for fleeing! 

 

Hat tip to Daniel Drezner for the link.